March 20, 2013
Fear – that which keeps me from pleasure. That may not be the dictionary definition but it is mine. Fear can cripple an otherwise strong person. It can make me immobile, stuck in one spot both physically and emotionally. Unable to practice the Owner/property level she and Master recently decided to embark upon, fear was affecting her submission to Master. She tried to regain control over her life, asking for rights the first day – big mistake. Master didn’t speak to her except to tell her he was going to bed, he always says nite at least, but not last night, nothing. She knew he was pissed at her and stressed out over her asking for rights. She thought she was supposed to though.
Uncertainty breeds fear. Tomorrow is uncertain, and the fear of loss of love, friendship, the loss of physical, psychological or financial security all can leave us fearful. All of these things add up to pain, not the controlled type we experience in our BDSM lives, but intense emotional pain, thus we become afraid or have fear. Fear prevents me from taking risks. Allowing fear to control me, only taking certain risks, it defines me. Many of us never reach any where close to our potential – robbing ourselves of the richness life would otherwise hold for us.
In M/s relationships, and even more so in O/p, the relinquishing of complete control creates a mesmerizing level of fear. The crazy thing about it is that the very act of submission and giving up control is one of the most exciting, relief-producing, intoxicating experiences a sub/slave can experience. It is a very liberating feeling, a new found freedom of sorts. Most people, myself included, do not like to feel out-of-control, powerless, in case something painful happens.
For me, overcoming my seemingly insurmountable fear required I look not only at the worst case scenario, but also the best outcome I could imagine if I conquered my fear. In trying to conquer my fear I found myself making a list of the pros and cons of disposing of a certain fear. The list of pros, the positives, was heavily weighted and there weren’t any cons to speak of. Suddenly, I felt as though the veil that covered my eyes had been lifted. I knew I was fully prepared to move forward, to embrace this new life, to submit to Master in every way, to be mindful of being obedient, to watch my attitude and keep it cheerful. I spent much time reading about fear and BDSM. I also read articles telling me how to overcome it, but nothing clicked until I did some major soul-searching. Fear has given way to a new found confidence and a feeling of freedom. Thank You Master.
As Master is aware, I found my final answer today online, in a group on Fetlife . The member, a 26 year old Dom from Colorado, stated that his opinion would probably be considered harsh by many, went on to say that a true slave will not allow her/himself the Luxury of Fear. Fear is indeed a luxury and for me a sign of an untrained mind…I will be working on mastering my emotions next. I am down to a tiny amount of fear, like if you empty a syrup bottle and there is a tiny amount left in the bottle…a very tiny amount that I personally believe is a positive. And once again b Thanks You Master….b